Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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