I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
