At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
His nipple licking is glorious
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