i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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