It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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