i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
