i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
