i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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