So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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