guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
