Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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