I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
