Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
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DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize