he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
