I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
