Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize