we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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