I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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