And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize