I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize