He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
