I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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