I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
