"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
