Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize