my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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