you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
