This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize