Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
