I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
