Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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