dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
