Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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