I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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