i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he shaved USA in his pubs
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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