If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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