Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
