dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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