Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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