I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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