dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
