i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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