So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
