And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
