dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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