I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
