i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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