I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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