and you said cock pushups were impossible
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
