You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
