I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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