I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
