my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so let's talk penis.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
