Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
