I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had to cum in my sink.
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