YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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