Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
