where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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